I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
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