I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Randomize
