you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
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