Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Randomize
