Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
