butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Randomize
