Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Randomize