We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
