Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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