I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize