I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
