rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Randomize
