I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize