oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
