Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Randomize
