I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
