I'm going to rape someone's good day.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
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