Well douche your snatch and let's go!
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
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