You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
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