Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
