i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
