Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
