Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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