Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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