FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
