Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
