I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
I am mentally ready for anal.
Randomize
