To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
