the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
vagina is talking i cant
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Randomize