I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
