im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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