Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Houston, we have a blender
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Randomize
