i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
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