Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
should my penis look like a turkey
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
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