currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize
