That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
i think i just lost a toe
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
