There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Randomize
