these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Randomize
