true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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