I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I want to be your penis for a week.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Randomize
