Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Randomize
