Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
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