Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
