you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
i think i just lost a toe
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Randomize
