He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Randomize
