My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
