I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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