Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
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