I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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