Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
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