we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
