Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
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