Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Nobody cheats on THIS.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
