If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
