I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I think i peed on brittanys purse
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
