I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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