I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
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