You're my little dorito
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Randomize
