I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
