he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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