It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
