You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
You ruined the universe
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
