Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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