Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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