I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
