when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
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