yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
