Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
