Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
