I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
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