you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
