Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
