She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I just want to make out with him forever
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize