I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Randomize
