the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Randomize
