The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
