i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
