i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I need to calm my uterus...
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
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