His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
