Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
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