Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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