blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Randomize
