I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
