Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Randomize
