I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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