Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
