Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
