i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
whose ass print is on the piano?
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
When are your genitals available?
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
