so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Randomize
