That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Randomize
