I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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