Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize