I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize