carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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