im six kinds of drunk right now
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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