Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
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