I could have mohawked her pubes.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Randomize
