I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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