Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Randomize