I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
