My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Randomize
