I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
