She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
